i love this so much. i am christian but really struggling with it in the face of realising my self and my rational and intellectualising mind. the bible feels like a difficult and confusing piece of literature that i cannot approach any differently from any other book or piece of writing. it is so so hard to confront these things within oneself. thank you for the words, they are beautiful <3
I often feel like I keep allowing belief systems in, then throwing them out. I am desperate for a higher thing that I can relax into, just like you described. I often wish I was more like the people who accepted religion so easy, that used it as their root. I don't. I long for it.
You write so beautifully and conveyed feelings I feel so so often. Thank hou
Freya I'm so happy you commented this post on my Note!! Girl we are all looking for something to fulfill us, so you are by no means alone in this search. I feel you.
I searched for something that would make me feel more whole, as you've done, but all those material things I was trying to find purpose in just weren't working. It wasn't until the past year or so that I found what truly works.
That being said, the concept of an immaterial God, a higher Being, is naturally so massive and unwieldy because we feel so small, insignificant, and kind of dumb in comparison to it. Like how am I supposed to figure this all out??!!! I'm just me!! But the great news is that we've actually been given a means to understand it all.
I've been Christian my whole life, but I never realized what that identity really means until this year. I learned that being Christian is so much more than a label of believing in some higher God and in Jesus Christ.
Our reality is that God is someone that we can actually know and understand and grow in relationship with just as we would a family member or a friend. This was made possible through Jesus, who was both fully man and God. It sounds crazy, but I really encourage you to learn about Him. He really wants to know you - the whole you. All the bad stuff, all the good stuff, literally everything in between. You'll find an undying friend and guide in someone who is so so real. Much more real and capable than a crystal or tarot card could ever be. Those things can't know you, period. Christ, a person, can and does know you. And He loves you!
Jesus shows us that we ARE broken, inadequate, unqualified, and messy people. That's in our nature and it always will be. BUT, His good news is that He can use our shortcomings to make us better people. Our weaknesses are made perfect in His power! It's not easy and it takes a lot of humility for us to admit that we're as broken as we are, but I promise you it is so freeing and fulfilling. Finding the love of Christ is so powerful and wow, just amazing.
I really would love to talk to you more about this if you're willing. We are sisters in Christ, believe it or not, and it's my duty to help you as much as I can! But no pressure - if you rather look into it on your own, I recommend you start with learning about who Jesus is. He's really cool and you can find info anywhere. Especially in the Gospel :) I'll be praying for your enlightenment!
An excellent read which resonates deeply with me. I find that struggling to have faith is akin to having faith in the struggle; it makes no damn sense, but it doesn't pretend to either. I have no idea what it means to trust in God fully, and I don't think anyone has. But I know I can't trust anything wordly. Perhaps this is what "death to the world" really means. Nevertheless, doubt always creeps in my thoughts even when I feel the closest to God. Maybe it's the physicist in me that looks at the night sky and sees nothing but void. Truly appreciate you sharing this Freya! It was very comforting.
it's like you opened my heart and threaded the insides with words into a warm blanket, wow. to feel like a little girl in a big girl body feeling clueless and without answers, constantly seeking to understand and seeking other people, entities, or mediums of art, that might play god and free me from my own naivety. to be so lost and confused and uncertain of what is right and where im going and what to do all the time - to want more than anything, to need more than anything, not just answers but a god. someone who guides through knowledge i might never possess, protects with strength i've never had, someone who is safe to believe in and trust when i've never known safety in this world with myself or anyone else. in the end im just a 19 year old girl. a bundle of fear and inexperience, looking and longing and needing for answers. looking and longing and needing for god.
It's crazy how I understand every word you've used to write this note. I feel you so very deeply because I was a seeker of not only truth but God as well. I needed so desperately to find someone that I could believe in- someone who could give me the answers I was searching for. And because I was relentless I finally cracked the puzzle. I went on a quest to prove time's inexistence and God found me in this journey. The full circle of life was revealed to me as well as our connection to God through the four elements (earth, trees, water, and the sun)
Not only that, I got to witness firsthand how this elusive God we've been searching for is a woman, not just a man as we've been led to believe. Many revelations came to me thereafter, but what strikes me the most is how we're all God. The systems we've put in place to govern us have gravely dimmed this reality and we remain oblivious of our Godness. We have so many abilities, including mind-reading and telepathic capabilities. We have the ability to summon our Godness by delving deeply into our consciousness. But we risk insanity in so doing. I stood on the jaws of insanity by digging deeper into this rabbit hole but I'm glad I came out sane in this reality's definition of sane. (I don't think many people come back from it- from the madness)
I wish to guide people in making manifest their dreams through the same procedure I followed, and perhaps we could spark a collective shift in mass consciousness.
SOMEBODY COOKED HERE!!! as someone who just exited a very prolonged "manic episode" (religious psychosis and paranoid thinking) this trulyyyy spoke to me
I'd like to know what your manic episode was like. I also had one a couple of months ago and it was definitely an eye opener to a lot of things. I've come to believe that people do hate what they do not understand due to the myth of normal. I understood all the connections I was drawing from the world. Only I couldn't explain everything systematically to the people who were taking care of me. There's nothing more I wish for other than to return to the state I was in when I was manic fr
I can really relate to this. I've been fascinated by religion and have deeply felt its pull all my life - but I was raised in a non-religious household and feel like in the process of growing up I never got the chance to believe in anything wholeheartedly. I never got to experience a religion as my worldview, rather than just one worldview out of many. Its easy to make fun of the 'true believers' but I think there's real security to it.
Today we're so exposed to beliefs and religions from all over the world its hard for someone raised outside of a religion to simply just choose one - all religions claim to be true but if all are, how can any of them be? Compound this with the general unsavoury nature of religious fundamentalism played out in any number of ways and its even harder to want to commit to something that you can't help but in your heart doubt.
I think there's a real fervour for meaning in the younger generations. Maybe a new religious movement is the answer - one that can syncretise existing belief systems alongside scientific rationalism to build something new. All
I can say is the religions of the past two centuries - capitalism, communism, and fascism - and they certainly are religions - certainly don't answer that need for meaning. My advice is take some magic mushrooms and search for that meaning yourself. You never know what you might find!
you have no idea how badly i needed to read this, i often find myself yearning for religious guidance— it’s gotten to the point where im taking religious courses, following the teachings of every religion for some sort of closure. I’m not even sure what kind of closure i need, i just want someone to tell me it’ll get better, if i follow a specific path it’ll lead me to a better life. Maybe it’s not real, maybe im not trying hard enough. Regardless your writing exemplified my feelings precisely.
This resonates a lot with me and is something I’ve thought about a lot. Being an eldest daughter myself I know what it’s like to be the model for others and not have anyone be the model for you. It’s rewarding to be an older sister and still hard in many ways.
I mentality I’ve adopted lately is that although “the sky is empty” maybe the belief in god has to be within me. I have the power to materially change my circumstances. To create and destroy. To touch things around me. Maybe we need to treat ourselves like god comes from within.
Beautifully written and deeply relatable. And this line: “we instil our faith in strangers on the internet who go viral for any number of things, most importantly for not being us.” 👏🏻❤️🔥
“A black lace of disillusionment shrouds the reflection on my vanity; I know her secrets, and I know she knows nothing.” I am so in awe, this piece is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
this is exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. read this essay if even the title seems interesting to you, as it has been very influential for me. It’s something that resonated in my consciousness. I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept of faith in something greater, and how to make life easier for myself. I’m a skeptic and don’t believe in a figurative being who created people from nothing. nevertheless, based on my difficult state right now, as I relentlessly seek help and meaning in things, I feel lost. sometimes it’s very easy to make myself believe in God, in a higher power, where the path is already charted and clear, where everything is easy—just believe. for me, belief in God is a huge and complex philosophy that I will be contemplating for a very long time. I’ve often joked that I want to live in the mountains and be a Buddhist; that I’ll have a wedding in a Catholic church; or that I’ll turn to Tengri and embrace the national religion. and indeed, there’s a grain of truth in every joke—and for me, it’s to follow the predestined path
loved this piece! you write with such delicate muscularity and don't allow yourself (or us) the comfort of easy answers. the idea of chasing some sort of theism in literature, art and all manners of human creation deeply resonated with me: i was raised christian and dove head-first into atheism during my teens; nowadays, i'm mediating between agnosticism and a pick-and-choose approach to spirituality, but i'd be lying if i said there wasn't a god-shaped hole in the middle of my birth chart haha
i really resonate with this, ive always been praying to something but ive never known what. similarly, in quarantine, i once tried to find a religion for myself, for some sense of belonging and community and hope, really. it never really worked out
i love this so much. i am christian but really struggling with it in the face of realising my self and my rational and intellectualising mind. the bible feels like a difficult and confusing piece of literature that i cannot approach any differently from any other book or piece of writing. it is so so hard to confront these things within oneself. thank you for the words, they are beautiful <3
Thank you so much for commenting, I’m glad it resonated! Faith is such a tricky concept x
I often feel like I keep allowing belief systems in, then throwing them out. I am desperate for a higher thing that I can relax into, just like you described. I often wish I was more like the people who accepted religion so easy, that used it as their root. I don't. I long for it.
You write so beautifully and conveyed feelings I feel so so often. Thank hou
Yes yes this is exactly how I feel!! I’m so glad this resonated, and thank you so much <3
Freya I'm so happy you commented this post on my Note!! Girl we are all looking for something to fulfill us, so you are by no means alone in this search. I feel you.
I searched for something that would make me feel more whole, as you've done, but all those material things I was trying to find purpose in just weren't working. It wasn't until the past year or so that I found what truly works.
That being said, the concept of an immaterial God, a higher Being, is naturally so massive and unwieldy because we feel so small, insignificant, and kind of dumb in comparison to it. Like how am I supposed to figure this all out??!!! I'm just me!! But the great news is that we've actually been given a means to understand it all.
I've been Christian my whole life, but I never realized what that identity really means until this year. I learned that being Christian is so much more than a label of believing in some higher God and in Jesus Christ.
Our reality is that God is someone that we can actually know and understand and grow in relationship with just as we would a family member or a friend. This was made possible through Jesus, who was both fully man and God. It sounds crazy, but I really encourage you to learn about Him. He really wants to know you - the whole you. All the bad stuff, all the good stuff, literally everything in between. You'll find an undying friend and guide in someone who is so so real. Much more real and capable than a crystal or tarot card could ever be. Those things can't know you, period. Christ, a person, can and does know you. And He loves you!
Jesus shows us that we ARE broken, inadequate, unqualified, and messy people. That's in our nature and it always will be. BUT, His good news is that He can use our shortcomings to make us better people. Our weaknesses are made perfect in His power! It's not easy and it takes a lot of humility for us to admit that we're as broken as we are, but I promise you it is so freeing and fulfilling. Finding the love of Christ is so powerful and wow, just amazing.
I really would love to talk to you more about this if you're willing. We are sisters in Christ, believe it or not, and it's my duty to help you as much as I can! But no pressure - if you rather look into it on your own, I recommend you start with learning about who Jesus is. He's really cool and you can find info anywhere. Especially in the Gospel :) I'll be praying for your enlightenment!
An excellent read which resonates deeply with me. I find that struggling to have faith is akin to having faith in the struggle; it makes no damn sense, but it doesn't pretend to either. I have no idea what it means to trust in God fully, and I don't think anyone has. But I know I can't trust anything wordly. Perhaps this is what "death to the world" really means. Nevertheless, doubt always creeps in my thoughts even when I feel the closest to God. Maybe it's the physicist in me that looks at the night sky and sees nothing but void. Truly appreciate you sharing this Freya! It was very comforting.
I'm so glad you found some comfort in it! And thank you for such insightful words
it's like you opened my heart and threaded the insides with words into a warm blanket, wow. to feel like a little girl in a big girl body feeling clueless and without answers, constantly seeking to understand and seeking other people, entities, or mediums of art, that might play god and free me from my own naivety. to be so lost and confused and uncertain of what is right and where im going and what to do all the time - to want more than anything, to need more than anything, not just answers but a god. someone who guides through knowledge i might never possess, protects with strength i've never had, someone who is safe to believe in and trust when i've never known safety in this world with myself or anyone else. in the end im just a 19 year old girl. a bundle of fear and inexperience, looking and longing and needing for answers. looking and longing and needing for god.
This is such a lovely comment, I’m so glad it resonated with you! <3
and you a lovely writer, thank you for your words <33
It's crazy how I understand every word you've used to write this note. I feel you so very deeply because I was a seeker of not only truth but God as well. I needed so desperately to find someone that I could believe in- someone who could give me the answers I was searching for. And because I was relentless I finally cracked the puzzle. I went on a quest to prove time's inexistence and God found me in this journey. The full circle of life was revealed to me as well as our connection to God through the four elements (earth, trees, water, and the sun)
Not only that, I got to witness firsthand how this elusive God we've been searching for is a woman, not just a man as we've been led to believe. Many revelations came to me thereafter, but what strikes me the most is how we're all God. The systems we've put in place to govern us have gravely dimmed this reality and we remain oblivious of our Godness. We have so many abilities, including mind-reading and telepathic capabilities. We have the ability to summon our Godness by delving deeply into our consciousness. But we risk insanity in so doing. I stood on the jaws of insanity by digging deeper into this rabbit hole but I'm glad I came out sane in this reality's definition of sane. (I don't think many people come back from it- from the madness)
I wish to guide people in making manifest their dreams through the same procedure I followed, and perhaps we could spark a collective shift in mass consciousness.
SOMEBODY COOKED HERE!!! as someone who just exited a very prolonged "manic episode" (religious psychosis and paranoid thinking) this trulyyyy spoke to me
I'd like to know what your manic episode was like. I also had one a couple of months ago and it was definitely an eye opener to a lot of things. I've come to believe that people do hate what they do not understand due to the myth of normal. I understood all the connections I was drawing from the world. Only I couldn't explain everything systematically to the people who were taking care of me. There's nothing more I wish for other than to return to the state I was in when I was manic fr
I can really relate to this. I've been fascinated by religion and have deeply felt its pull all my life - but I was raised in a non-religious household and feel like in the process of growing up I never got the chance to believe in anything wholeheartedly. I never got to experience a religion as my worldview, rather than just one worldview out of many. Its easy to make fun of the 'true believers' but I think there's real security to it.
Today we're so exposed to beliefs and religions from all over the world its hard for someone raised outside of a religion to simply just choose one - all religions claim to be true but if all are, how can any of them be? Compound this with the general unsavoury nature of religious fundamentalism played out in any number of ways and its even harder to want to commit to something that you can't help but in your heart doubt.
I think there's a real fervour for meaning in the younger generations. Maybe a new religious movement is the answer - one that can syncretise existing belief systems alongside scientific rationalism to build something new. All
I can say is the religions of the past two centuries - capitalism, communism, and fascism - and they certainly are religions - certainly don't answer that need for meaning. My advice is take some magic mushrooms and search for that meaning yourself. You never know what you might find!
you have no idea how badly i needed to read this, i often find myself yearning for religious guidance— it’s gotten to the point where im taking religious courses, following the teachings of every religion for some sort of closure. I’m not even sure what kind of closure i need, i just want someone to tell me it’ll get better, if i follow a specific path it’ll lead me to a better life. Maybe it’s not real, maybe im not trying hard enough. Regardless your writing exemplified my feelings precisely.
I am so glad this resonated with you <3
This resonates a lot with me and is something I’ve thought about a lot. Being an eldest daughter myself I know what it’s like to be the model for others and not have anyone be the model for you. It’s rewarding to be an older sister and still hard in many ways.
I mentality I’ve adopted lately is that although “the sky is empty” maybe the belief in god has to be within me. I have the power to materially change my circumstances. To create and destroy. To touch things around me. Maybe we need to treat ourselves like god comes from within.
‘god comes from within’ I LOVE THAT! Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3
girls against god
real
Beautifully written and deeply relatable. And this line: “we instil our faith in strangers on the internet who go viral for any number of things, most importantly for not being us.” 👏🏻❤️🔥
Thank you so much xx
“A black lace of disillusionment shrouds the reflection on my vanity; I know her secrets, and I know she knows nothing.” I am so in awe, this piece is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
Oh my goodness this is such a high compliment, thank you so so much xxx
this is exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. read this essay if even the title seems interesting to you, as it has been very influential for me. It’s something that resonated in my consciousness. I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept of faith in something greater, and how to make life easier for myself. I’m a skeptic and don’t believe in a figurative being who created people from nothing. nevertheless, based on my difficult state right now, as I relentlessly seek help and meaning in things, I feel lost. sometimes it’s very easy to make myself believe in God, in a higher power, where the path is already charted and clear, where everything is easy—just believe. for me, belief in God is a huge and complex philosophy that I will be contemplating for a very long time. I’ve often joked that I want to live in the mountains and be a Buddhist; that I’ll have a wedding in a Catholic church; or that I’ll turn to Tengri and embrace the national religion. and indeed, there’s a grain of truth in every joke—and for me, it’s to follow the predestined path
I’m so so glad this resonated with you, it’s so reassuring that I’m not alone in it!
loved this piece! you write with such delicate muscularity and don't allow yourself (or us) the comfort of easy answers. the idea of chasing some sort of theism in literature, art and all manners of human creation deeply resonated with me: i was raised christian and dove head-first into atheism during my teens; nowadays, i'm mediating between agnosticism and a pick-and-choose approach to spirituality, but i'd be lying if i said there wasn't a god-shaped hole in the middle of my birth chart haha
thanks for writing :)
This comment is so gorgeous and I’m so grateful for it, I’ve re-read it so many times since I saw it <3
i really resonate with this, ive always been praying to something but ive never known what. similarly, in quarantine, i once tried to find a religion for myself, for some sense of belonging and community and hope, really. it never really worked out
I’m so glad you can relate!
the crystals in the bra omg